The “Would I? Would I?” joke is here. But the fun of the joke, beyond the enjoyment of figuring out how often one can respond to a beloved’s query by saying “Would I? Would I?”, is coming up with variants. Here was one example. And here’s another:

A man has this rare disease where every night a thin layer of cold sweat cover his whole body. This is caused all sorts of hardship in his romantic life, and the public lamentations of past girlfriends have led him to be known by various unfortunate nicknames (Mr. Moist, Ol’ Soggy Sheets).

He was at an afternoon garden party when he noticed a pair of the most beautiful Siamese Twins he had ever seen in his life. They weren’t playing croquet with anyone else, however, but instead were sitting glumly alone by the fountain. “Poor girls,” he overheard someone saying, “It must be hard being Siamese twins. But then to also have skin so dry that you always have to be around moisture.”

Finally! Someone(s) who might understand my pain! Breathlessly, the man rushes over to the fountain. “Do the two of you want to go to a movie sometime?” he asks.

“Do we?” replied the more quick-witted twin, excitedly. “Do we?” says the slower twin, also gleeful.

The man turns and stalks away, but not before shouting “Dry-skin! Dry-skin-Miss-dryskinpants.”

[ALTERED BECAUSE BECKIE LIKES THESE MORE WHEN THEY HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS.]

The man was very disappointed and began trying to think of a nasty thing to say but having trouble because there aren’t really established mean things to say about someone’s dry skin and bringing up the conjoined twin thing seemed like it’d be going too far.

The twins did not even know anything about the man’s skin condition, and they were so happy they did not notice his change in facial expression. “Why, I know that I for one would be delighted,” said the more quick-witted twin, who was also the more eloquent. “Ditto,” said the other.

The three of them had a great time at the movie! The man ended up marrying the quick-witted woman, and at the wedding the duller woman hit it off with the man’s best friend, who was the child of circus people and owned a humidifier factory.

Sure, it was awkward sometimes, but everyone was kind to one another and a good sport about the whole thing, and so the four of them lived happily ever after.